willinglychanged | ☾ MoM Contact

I guess. [He answers with a frown. Though maybe Drew is right—perhaps it would be better if neither of them had to acclimatize at all. Whereas now, they both have to, and for quite the change, at that.]

What do you mean it'll make us want to be around each other?

[To Toby, that's a sort of strange side effect. But then again, he's been alone for most of his life; how long had it taken him to find Dorian and decide to be with him? And how long had he stayed with Dorian, for that matter? All that had happened took place in the course of a year, but before that, Toby was alone. He cannot fathom suddenly wanting or craving that company and comfort, not with Dorian around.]

[A big old sigh that seems to take a lot of the wind out of Drew's sails.]

Look that whole Lone Wolf thing? Total bullshit. Wolves don't like to be alone. Wolves want a pack. Its why wolves that don't have a pack either wind up depressed or dead. Now I'm not sure if it'll all be one stupid one-sided thing 'cause you ain't a real wolf. But somethin' tells me the bond ain't really gonna let us get away with just ignorin' each other.

[The explanation gets Toby to relax somewhat as he considers the idea.]

Well, I... don't know if this helps, really. But I've been overly concerned about your opinion of me. The idea you might never want anything to do with me again, it upsets me.

[The feelings are genuine, as he's had such a fondness for Drew ever since they'd met. But Toby knows he really hurt Drew when he left with only a text before returning himself to Dorian. Though, having to die because of that seems a bit much. Still, Toby wants to patch things up; he truly enjoys Drew's company in spite of what's happened.]

[A surprised expression.] It really shouldn't work that quick. I mean for the first little while it can kinda be easy to ignore that side of the bond. A lot of new werewolves don't always end up with the pack who turned 'em. They just end up needin' some kinda pack.

[Which is probably worse, because it meant that the feelings they were discussing really were genuine feelings. Drew knew everything had been irrational between them after everything was said and done. But he also knew that at a time he was rather fond of Toby himself. It was just very hard to line up the past and the present and come to some way of rational thinking.]

—What I mean is, I'd felt this way even before the full moon and the bond... [But Drew probably already knew that, didn't he? Well, somehow Toby still felt it merited clarification. Though he's a little afraid to ask, he decides to anyway:]

You don't suppose the bond would just exacerbate those feelings, do you? That it might help them along?

[Because he knows that what he has with Drew is a gigantic mess; it had been exactly that since the very start. There's a whirlwind of feelings inside him when it comes to Drew. A want and need for him. Caring and concern. A love that is different from his love for Dorian. A desire to be with him, and the knowledge that he can't be. The fear of rejection, the fear of Drew's rage and hatred. So many warring feelings that it's probably better not to focus on them at all because things are confusing enough without doing so.]

[He frowns.] But uh, I mean... shouldn't those feelings have gone away? I mean, I killed you Toby. Damn it ain't exactly the kinda thing you just shrug off and go back to likin' a guy after.

[Because he'd expected a lot more hate from Toby's end of the bond than he'd actually received. He'd expected an awful lot really but again Toby hadn't come through with that either. Especially with the fear. The fear was one thing he hadn't actually anticipated. Hatred and anger, sure, but fear no.]

...You're not the first who's killed me in this world, Drew. [His voice is quiet and patient. Not to say that Abduxel had done it on purpose, but his point stands. Toby had been bitter at first, because who doesn't feel a little bitter after being killed?]

I didn't hold it against him either, and I still don't. I was angry at first, of course, but. I don't know, I...

[He doesn't know why his feelings haven't changed, and can't explain it, really. Maybe he just didn't want to lose the kindred spirit he'd seen in Drew.]

So you're tryin'a tell me that it doesn't matter just 'cause someone else killed you before? An' this other guy? Did ya go straight back to bein' his friend after he killed you? [Because it seemed like the kind of thing Toby might do, which vaguely made Drew judge his character.]

No, he's harassed me time and again, and— [Toby tries to suppress the frustration he feels toward Abduxel, who has harassed him time and again but also confused him. Their relationship has always been something of an abusive one that Toby had promised he wouldn't show Dorian, if only because he didn't want to be like a whiny tattler. "Dorian, Abduxel is always so horrible to me." And besides, Drew himself got on well enough with the demon; Toby feels he has little choice other than to tolerate him.

He takes a deep breath.] I was wary of him for some time afterward, really. And then I came to terms with what happened and decided I could still be friends anyway. So I didn't go straight back; I did need some time. But that's the thing—a couple weeks have passed already. What, do you think I'll need to wait a few more?

Who was it? [Because he was curious. After all he'd been under the assumption he was the only person who dealt with these problems. But someone else harassing Toby? All the while Drew knowing nothing about it? That was surprising enough to the werewolf. Usually he had a good sense about these things.]

And y'all were friends too? Fuck Toby y'sure do know how to pick 'em don't you. Not that I'm blamin' you or anythin' but if you've got two friends who wind up killin' you under shitty circumstances then y'maybe needa pull out your little black book an' have a long hard thing about it. [He shrugs.] Not sure 'bout that either, never been killed by a friend before myself but I figured it was the kinda thing y'might need what... a month for?

[Toby's gaze drops, and so he sees his drink. He takes a nice long sip, savours the taste of it for a bit before swallowing. Along with his frustration is a little hesitation. If he tells Drew, and it affects their relationship, then Abduxel finds out it's Toby's fault, he could really be in for it.]

Sorry, I can't tell you who. [Continuing to look at his glass, he simply frowns.] Though I will say our friendship is more based on a truce-like agreement more than anything else.

Y'can't? And why can't y'tell me, huh? Thought the whole unbreakable werewolf bond thing would give us that kinda trust level. [Except he smiles slightly because he was mostly just being nosy.]

It doesn't matter, so long as he doesn't come back tryin'a start somethin' like the other guy y'were talkin' to me about.

[Toby eases up at Drew's response, and his lips take on a small, almost shy smile.]

God, no. He's neither like the lawyer nor the serial killer...

[He can't help but echo that smile.]

Then I guess he can't be too bad. I mean, I can't exactly judge him, can I? Not when I've apparently gone an' done the exact same thing he did.

[A soft chuckle escapes him.]

He wasn't all that bad, no. But things were a little complicated. [A pause as he makes a realization.] I guess things always are.

[His gaze goes to Drew's hand, and he considers placing his own atop for assurance before thinking better of the gesture. They haven't fully mended whatever is between them; besides, it seems Drew had wanted to avoid Toby's sentimentality earlier on. Probably wouldn't be a good idea to encourage him again, would it?]

Ain't nothin' simple in the world Toby. Had to come to that realization a hell of a long time ago. Its sometimes good to make pretend an' act like it is. But it ain't.

[He sees Toby's eyes move, feels those emotions swirling through the bond and shrugs internally, making the first move and reaching out to squeeze Toby's hand in his own warm one, which was weird, because he'd forgotten just how cold the vampire was. He pulls his hand back just as quick, but it was a sign of change to come, at least.]

[His vampire heart skips a beat when Drew's warm hand takes his and gives it a quick squeeze. As short-lived as that moment is, Toby feels good. Special. And quite happy.]

...Yeah, that's true. Some things just seem simpler than others, though.

[But what is between Toby and Drew is not one of the simpler things. Such confusing feelings, and it's hard to understand exactly what their relationship is. Toby may be Dorian's, but his bond with Drew is intimacy of a sort that is completely unlike with Dorian.]

[He didn't expect the flood of happiness from that small touch, it sends a pang of shame into his own stomach.]

They do, yeah. But unfortunately we're just shit outta luck with this one. We've run outta simple.

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