Andrew Warner (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
willinglychanged) wrote2015-07-09 12:19 am
willinglychanged) wrote2015-07-09 12:19 am
☾ MoM Contact
00:29
Thursday
Thursday
mom.net
TEXTS | AUDIO | VIDEO | VOICEMAIL
TEXTS | AUDIO | VIDEO | VOICEMAIL
There's no need to break me out. I chose this.
I'm tired of trying to make up for the mistakes I've made.
Maybe this will finally prove how serious I am about fixing my life.
I'll be out before the end of January.
Anyway, thank you for caring. I do appreciate it. [People stop caring or turn against Toby so easily, after all.]
Maybe you should visit me sometime.
Also, you're welcome. There's no need to paint yourself a bad guy.
Just try to live a peaceful, normal life. It's what you want.
[Granted, it's something Toby's wanted, too. But he's pretty sure he's condemned to never have it.]
I'm tired of trying to make up for the mistakes I've made.
Maybe this will finally prove how serious I am about fixing my life.
I'll be out before the end of January.
Anyway, thank you for caring. I do appreciate it. [People stop caring or turn against Toby so easily, after all.]
Maybe you should visit me sometime.
Also, you're welcome. There's no need to paint yourself a bad guy.
Just try to live a peaceful, normal life. It's what you want.
[Granted, it's something Toby's wanted, too. But he's pretty sure he's condemned to never have it.]
[A surprised expression.] It really shouldn't work that quick. I mean for the first little while it can kinda be easy to ignore that side of the bond. A lot of new werewolves don't always end up with the pack who turned 'em. They just end up needin' some kinda pack.
[Which is probably worse, because it meant that the feelings they were discussing really were genuine feelings. Drew knew everything had been irrational between them after everything was said and done. But he also knew that at a time he was rather fond of Toby himself. It was just very hard to line up the past and the present and come to some way of rational thinking.]
[Which is probably worse, because it meant that the feelings they were discussing really were genuine feelings. Drew knew everything had been irrational between them after everything was said and done. But he also knew that at a time he was rather fond of Toby himself. It was just very hard to line up the past and the present and come to some way of rational thinking.]
You chose to go into prison?
Damn it Toby what the hell?
Is this cause I ratted you out to that lawyer asshole? Cause I could go and fix that, too.
We ain't got much of a choice in caring about each other in some way, man. But it ain't just the bond either. Yshouldn't have to go to jail because I couldn't keep my mouth shut.
I'll come see you. not right now but maybe us talking without the bond would be good.
Damn it Toby what the hell?
Is this cause I ratted you out to that lawyer asshole? Cause I could go and fix that, too.
We ain't got much of a choice in caring about each other in some way, man. But it ain't just the bond either. Yshouldn't have to go to jail because I couldn't keep my mouth shut.
I'll come see you. not right now but maybe us talking without the bond would be good.
—What I mean is, I'd felt this way even before the full moon and the bond... [But Drew probably already knew that, didn't he? Well, somehow Toby still felt it merited clarification. Though he's a little afraid to ask, he decides to anyway:]
You don't suppose the bond would just exacerbate those feelings, do you? That it might help them along?
[Because he knows that what he has with Drew is a gigantic mess; it had been exactly that since the very start. There's a whirlwind of feelings inside him when it comes to Drew. A want and need for him. Caring and concern. A love that is different from his love for Dorian. A desire to be with him, and the knowledge that he can't be. The fear of rejection, the fear of Drew's rage and hatred. So many warring feelings that it's probably better not to focus on them at all because things are confusing enough without doing so.]
You don't suppose the bond would just exacerbate those feelings, do you? That it might help them along?
[Because he knows that what he has with Drew is a gigantic mess; it had been exactly that since the very start. There's a whirlwind of feelings inside him when it comes to Drew. A want and need for him. Caring and concern. A love that is different from his love for Dorian. A desire to be with him, and the knowledge that he can't be. The fear of rejection, the fear of Drew's rage and hatred. So many warring feelings that it's probably better not to focus on them at all because things are confusing enough without doing so.]
Please, Drew. Don't do anything rash.
It's not because of you doing anything, all right?
I did it for me because of all the mistakes I made since arriving here.
No one ever really did stop judging me, though I tried not to let on.
But I've had more than enough of it. So this is like a last ditch effort.
It probably looks like I've given up, and I have, to some extent.
I look forward to you visiting me, then. I always did like your company.
It's not because of you doing anything, all right?
I did it for me because of all the mistakes I made since arriving here.
No one ever really did stop judging me, though I tried not to let on.
But I've had more than enough of it. So this is like a last ditch effort.
It probably looks like I've given up, and I have, to some extent.
I look forward to you visiting me, then. I always did like your company.
okay okay. I won't do anything. I'll just sit here and think about the fact that you're kinda stupid.
Okay yeah I guess you made a hell of a lot of mistakes. But no-ones perfect dude.
Maybe some time in the peace and quiet will do you good though.
How's Dorian taking it?
Am I even allowed to ask things like that? Do we still do personal questions?
Okay yeah I guess you made a hell of a lot of mistakes. But no-ones perfect dude.
Maybe some time in the peace and quiet will do you good though.
How's Dorian taking it?
Am I even allowed to ask things like that? Do we still do personal questions?
[He frowns.] But uh, I mean... shouldn't those feelings have gone away? I mean, I killed you Toby. Damn it ain't exactly the kinda thing you just shrug off and go back to likin' a guy after.
[Because he'd expected a lot more hate from Toby's end of the bond than he'd actually received. He'd expected an awful lot really but again Toby hadn't come through with that either. Especially with the fear. The fear was one thing he hadn't actually anticipated. Hatred and anger, sure, but fear no.]
[Because he'd expected a lot more hate from Toby's end of the bond than he'd actually received. He'd expected an awful lot really but again Toby hadn't come through with that either. Especially with the fear. The fear was one thing he hadn't actually anticipated. Hatred and anger, sure, but fear no.]
...You're not the first who's killed me in this world, Drew. [His voice is quiet and patient. Not to say that Abduxel had done it on purpose, but his point stands. Toby had been bitter at first, because who doesn't feel a little bitter after being killed?]
I didn't hold it against him either, and I still don't. I was angry at first, of course, but. I don't know, I...
[He doesn't know why his feelings haven't changed, and can't explain it, really. Maybe he just didn't want to lose the kindred spirit he'd seen in Drew.]
I didn't hold it against him either, and I still don't. I was angry at first, of course, but. I don't know, I...
[He doesn't know why his feelings haven't changed, and can't explain it, really. Maybe he just didn't want to lose the kindred spirit he'd seen in Drew.]
I know I'm stupid, and I'm sorry.
I have to try this, at the very least.
I don't see why you can't ask about him.
Though, as expected, he's not taking it well.
He's never been good at coping with anything not quite going his way.
Still, I trust that things will be all right somehow.
I have to try this, at the very least.
I don't see why you can't ask about him.
Though, as expected, he's not taking it well.
He's never been good at coping with anything not quite going his way.
Still, I trust that things will be all right somehow.
So you're tryin'a tell me that it doesn't matter just 'cause someone else killed you before? An' this other guy? Did ya go straight back to bein' his friend after he killed you? [Because it seemed like the kind of thing Toby might do, which vaguely made Drew judge his character.]
kinda stupid but don't be sorry. sounds like somethin you needed to do.
I hope it works out for ya, dude. honestly.
Well cause the last time we spoke he kinda told me he'd kill me next if I ever came near the two of you again, so we might needa keep the whole prison visit on the DL.
You're tellin me. I guessed it already.
I hope it works out for ya, dude. honestly.
Well cause the last time we spoke he kinda told me he'd kill me next if I ever came near the two of you again, so we might needa keep the whole prison visit on the DL.
You're tellin me. I guessed it already.
No, he's harassed me time and again, and— [Toby tries to suppress the frustration he feels toward Abduxel, who has harassed him time and again but also confused him. Their relationship has always been something of an abusive one that Toby had promised he wouldn't show Dorian, if only because he didn't want to be like a whiny tattler. "Dorian, Abduxel is always so horrible to me." And besides, Drew himself got on well enough with the demon; Toby feels he has little choice other than to tolerate him.
He takes a deep breath.] I was wary of him for some time afterward, really. And then I came to terms with what happened and decided I could still be friends anyway. So I didn't go straight back; I did need some time. But that's the thing—a couple weeks have passed already. What, do you think I'll need to wait a few more?
He takes a deep breath.] I was wary of him for some time afterward, really. And then I came to terms with what happened and decided I could still be friends anyway. So I didn't go straight back; I did need some time. But that's the thing—a couple weeks have passed already. What, do you think I'll need to wait a few more?
Who was it? [Because he was curious. After all he'd been under the assumption he was the only person who dealt with these problems. But someone else harassing Toby? All the while Drew knowing nothing about it? That was surprising enough to the werewolf. Usually he had a good sense about these things.]
And y'all were friends too? Fuck Toby y'sure do know how to pick 'em don't you. Not that I'm blamin' you or anythin' but if you've got two friends who wind up killin' you under shitty circumstances then y'maybe needa pull out your little black book an' have a long hard thing about it. [He shrugs.] Not sure 'bout that either, never been killed by a friend before myself but I figured it was the kinda thing y'might need what... a month for?
And y'all were friends too? Fuck Toby y'sure do know how to pick 'em don't you. Not that I'm blamin' you or anythin' but if you've got two friends who wind up killin' you under shitty circumstances then y'maybe needa pull out your little black book an' have a long hard thing about it. [He shrugs.] Not sure 'bout that either, never been killed by a friend before myself but I figured it was the kinda thing y'might need what... a month for?
Thank you. I hope so, too.
In that case, I'm sorry about Dorian.
He doesn't know I've been patching things up with you.
To be honest, I'm not sure how he'd take that.
Probably would ask me why.
Actually, I don't think Dorian gets on with most of my friends.
I think he mostly tries to tolerate them for my sake.
In that case, I'm sorry about Dorian.
He doesn't know I've been patching things up with you.
To be honest, I'm not sure how he'd take that.
Probably would ask me why.
Actually, I don't think Dorian gets on with most of my friends.
I think he mostly tries to tolerate them for my sake.
[Toby's gaze drops, and so he sees his drink. He takes a nice long sip, savours the taste of it for a bit before swallowing. Along with his frustration is a little hesitation. If he tells Drew, and it affects their relationship, then Abduxel finds out it's Toby's fault, he could really be in for it.]
Sorry, I can't tell you who. [Continuing to look at his glass, he simply frowns.] Though I will say our friendship is more based on a truce-like agreement more than anything else.
Sorry, I can't tell you who. [Continuing to look at his glass, he simply frowns.] Though I will say our friendship is more based on a truce-like agreement more than anything else.
Y'can't? And why can't y'tell me, huh? Thought the whole unbreakable werewolf bond thing would give us that kinda trust level. [Except he smiles slightly because he was mostly just being nosy.]
It doesn't matter, so long as he doesn't come back tryin'a start somethin' like the other guy y'were talkin' to me about.
It doesn't matter, so long as he doesn't come back tryin'a start somethin' like the other guy y'were talkin' to me about.
well hope is all people got sometimes
Don't be sorry bout him either. He's his own person. I'll figure him out.
Probably better that he doesn't. Not yet at least.
...well its kinda up to you. maybe ygotta figure that out for yourself too.
Sounds like it. He aint exactly a people person is he.
Even if I still got his book.
Don't be sorry bout him either. He's his own person. I'll figure him out.
Probably better that he doesn't. Not yet at least.
...well its kinda up to you. maybe ygotta figure that out for yourself too.
Sounds like it. He aint exactly a people person is he.
Even if I still got his book.
[Toby eases up at Drew's response, and his lips take on a small, almost shy smile.]
God, no. He's neither like the lawyer nor the serial killer...
God, no. He's neither like the lawyer nor the serial killer...
How would you go about figuring him out?
As it is, I'm almost certain he's scheming some way of getting back at you.
Which is why it crossed my mind to perhaps say something to him.
He is a people person, but exactly the same sort as I am, obviously.
I can't always tell what's on that mind of his. Knowing him, it's not always good.
Especially where it involves people who have wronged him.
You have his book—let me guess. He gave it to you.
As it is, I'm almost certain he's scheming some way of getting back at you.
Which is why it crossed my mind to perhaps say something to him.
He is a people person, but exactly the same sort as I am, obviously.
I can't always tell what's on that mind of his. Knowing him, it's not always good.
Especially where it involves people who have wronged him.
You have his book—let me guess. He gave it to you.
Edited 2015-12-08 23:22 (UTC)
damned if I know.
me an him are kinda similar but a hell of a lot more different too.
oh yeah believe me I can tell he's a 'people person' from when I first met him.
and he did, yeah. but i never got round to reading the damn thing.
he said itd help me figure him out.
me an him are kinda similar but a hell of a lot more different too.
oh yeah believe me I can tell he's a 'people person' from when I first met him.
and he did, yeah. but i never got round to reading the damn thing.
he said itd help me figure him out.
[He can't help but echo that smile.]
Then I guess he can't be too bad. I mean, I can't exactly judge him, can I? Not when I've apparently gone an' done the exact same thing he did.
Then I guess he can't be too bad. I mean, I can't exactly judge him, can I? Not when I've apparently gone an' done the exact same thing he did.
[A soft chuckle escapes him.]
He wasn't all that bad, no. But things were a little complicated. [A pause as he makes a realization.] I guess things always are.
[His gaze goes to Drew's hand, and he considers placing his own atop for assurance before thinking better of the gesture. They haven't fully mended whatever is between them; besides, it seems Drew had wanted to avoid Toby's sentimentality earlier on. Probably wouldn't be a good idea to encourage him again, would it?]
He wasn't all that bad, no. But things were a little complicated. [A pause as he makes a realization.] I guess things always are.
[His gaze goes to Drew's hand, and he considers placing his own atop for assurance before thinking better of the gesture. They haven't fully mended whatever is between them; besides, it seems Drew had wanted to avoid Toby's sentimentality earlier on. Probably wouldn't be a good idea to encourage him again, would it?]
Probably isn't any help if I mention I've thought about that before.
The similarities and differences between you two, I mean.
Not sure you really want me to go into it, though.
Anyway, the book does give insight on the sort of man he is.
If you like, I could read it to you, and you could decide for yourself.
See if that really helps you figure him out.
The similarities and differences between you two, I mean.
Not sure you really want me to go into it, though.
Anyway, the book does give insight on the sort of man he is.
If you like, I could read it to you, and you could decide for yourself.
See if that really helps you figure him out.
Ain't nothin' simple in the world Toby. Had to come to that realization a hell of a long time ago. Its sometimes good to make pretend an' act like it is. But it ain't.
[He sees Toby's eyes move, feels those emotions swirling through the bond and shrugs internally, making the first move and reaching out to squeeze Toby's hand in his own warm one, which was weird, because he'd forgotten just how cold the vampire was. He pulls his hand back just as quick, but it was a sign of change to come, at least.]
[He sees Toby's eyes move, feels those emotions swirling through the bond and shrugs internally, making the first move and reaching out to squeeze Toby's hand in his own warm one, which was weird, because he'd forgotten just how cold the vampire was. He pulls his hand back just as quick, but it was a sign of change to come, at least.]
[His vampire heart skips a beat when Drew's warm hand takes his and gives it a quick squeeze. As short-lived as that moment is, Toby feels good. Special. And quite happy.]
...Yeah, that's true. Some things just seem simpler than others, though.
[But what is between Toby and Drew is not one of the simpler things. Such confusing feelings, and it's hard to understand exactly what their relationship is. Toby may be Dorian's, but his bond with Drew is intimacy of a sort that is completely unlike with Dorian.]
...Yeah, that's true. Some things just seem simpler than others, though.
[But what is between Toby and Drew is not one of the simpler things. Such confusing feelings, and it's hard to understand exactly what their relationship is. Toby may be Dorian's, but his bond with Drew is intimacy of a sort that is completely unlike with Dorian.]
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